every costumer: closing time
I saw that I could find someplace else to be
not wanting to be back at the house
to be on the couch
to be nice, because
culture, goddamnit, have some
not wanting the frost
I walked past the 2AM
no Passport, so why even bother trying to get in
I am not hungry
so no Joe's Tacos
Then I saw the Buddhist Temple
Always closed, when I pass
with a sign: rummage sale
SAT 10 -3
SUN 11- 2
I guess, not reading, just lonely
begging for social-something
Maybe that is why I avoided the 2AM
who did I know there?
And I walked quietly in,
In the USA, Blacks in White places, ought to be a certain kind of way
quiet, kind, respectful, calm, serene, shhh....
All blackness, creased with relaxer, pleats, restraint
So there I was, blackness creased, lost in others' abandoned treasure turned trash
to become someone else's
something or anything
or just to quell the quest
that ever-burning search, that Americans fill with shopping, blowout-sales, discount on retail-almost-wholesale price, a steal, a hard to pass by deal
until I heard
"This will be open on Saturday."
Burning inside me was not shame: obviously I know to read yes, and did, right?
Obviously they don't think I'm homeless, or do they?
Whatever the case. I must be stupid. Certainly!
Black woman with dreads
inside a space
unwanted and uninvited
Burning only: pure unleaded REJECTION
This has become Mill Valley to me "please leave."
"Come back Saturday"
my rejection tsunami rolls back into my heart. Full, unsatiated,
having wanted to unleash it's full steam on me
Of course, something
Buddha or Zen in her,
she was sending a living being to be "namaste-d", away
So she asked me my size.
The shoe I held, I let fall soundlessly back unto the table of junk.
"8 1/2" I told her, smiling to myself, just like those TOMS I had in my hand just now
and to myself "Right, suddenly, you give a fuck!"
Miracle on Miller Ave!
Not that we cared.
doubt if she did,
but just to continue that pretentious hypocritical waltz
the one danced on the tightrope of awkwardness.