Can't get reach the 145 lbs goal i set on Fitbit app on March 2, 2016.
After a myriad of failed relationships and men treating me like dog shit, when all i did was approach them with an open heart (which they only wanted if there open legs were involved) [no blame is directed to any man in particular, please perpetrators, don't get mad at me, i played my part in that too] i'm finally in an ok relationship. Thank whoever is working the controls upstairs: God, She-sus, Allah or Jah.
My art is finally going in the direction i want it to. It has been a long, bleeding journey since i left art school in México.
After trying to be employed in Belize since 2008, i have finally come to the conclusion that, i'm not what employers want. Which is great, because one, i can focus on my art, and two, the financial frustration really fuels my work (though there are times that has limitations). But in one week, i "found" my painting on an Instagram feed hanging in a resort back home, and i got featured in a newspaper in Petaluma. None of that is said to brag. Just a statement. Maybe to my own self-loathing and self-doubt.
i cry easily.
i am extremely sensitive.
i have been trying to "fit in" since i was 5 years old. i turned 30 in August, and still don't feel that i "fit in" anywhere. i just attend certain acquaintances at intervals.
i am currently on a low dose of anti-depressants to help with panic attacks, which come and go in cycles especially when i become overwhelmed by stress.
i am extremely open about mental illness and my personal struggle with it, because it needs to be an "ok" thing to talk about. Without getting fired. Without people always thinking every fucking thing you did or did not do is "because of your anxiety huh?"
Ignorance and fear, are things i battle, my own especially.
This whole thing started as a Facebook status update response to that ridiculous prompt "What's on your mind?"
What does that even mean, and who really cares?
i entered and left an art collective in one year. Just couldn't get the gears to click. i feel very crummy about that, but i tried and eventually decided to trust my gut. If something doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. Or at least that is how my experience has been.